Thanksgiving (in Canada!!) is this weekend, which means a lot of us will go around a table and say what we're grateful for. It's usually something like "family," "health," or "this pie."
I love that ritual. But I've been thinking about how rarely we do the work-version of it, the specific, unglamorous, "I know exactly what you did, and it mattered" kind.
In my job, I spend a lot of time thinking about what actually makes a partnership feel like a friendship instead of a transaction. You know the kind… you do something for me, and I do something for you... And then we exchange money, attention, introductions, access, talent, whatever else we agreed to. That’s technically a partnership. But it’s not necessarily a relationship.
Over the next few editions, I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned about the difference.
The first one is incredibly simple, and I think most of us are bad at it:
Say thank you. And actually mean it.
Most partnership advice is about starting: getting in the DM, the pitch, the first coffee, the intro email, the perfect deck. Almost none of it is about what happens after something goes well.
But that's where relationships get built. Someone shared your event with their community, answered your message in the middle of a busy week, or let you into their communities. Someone said yes (or even “maybe”) when they absolutely could have said no. If nobody tells them what that meant, they're left guessing whether it mattered. And then we move on.
And without a “thank you” or an “appreciate you,” most partnerships can fade out. Nobody did anything wrong. It just never felt like anyone noticed.
What a good thank you actually does
I've gotten some version of this wrong many times. Over time, I've noticed the thank yous that land have three things in common:
- They're specific. "Thanks so much for everything!" is nice, but it's the email equivalent of a shrug. "Thank you for introducing us to X, because that conversation led to *this very cool thing*" tells someone you were actually paying attention. (And maybe also that you didn’t just pick the AI-generated response in your email provider)
- They tell people what happened because of them. Most of us make introductions, share things, give advice, or open doors and never find out where any of it went.
- They don't ask for anything. A thank you with a pitch hidden inside isn't a thank you. Send it, and save the next ask for another day.
A recent one I'm still thinking about
I’ve been chatting with one potential impact partner since the spring.
They’re a nonprofit, and we’re planning to deliver a workshop together. Like a lot of nonprofit partnerships, there are approvals and timelines that are bigger than either of us, so the actual workshop has taken some time to get moving.
In the meantime, I’ve been doing what we call at Growclass “microwaving the relationship.” Checking in. Sharing things that might be useful. Inviting them into Extra Credit sessions and Summits. Staying present without treating the relationship like it only matters once somebody signs something.
Then, over the summer, my contact reached out.
She told me that while things were moving slowly internally, she’d been talking about Growclass with a few other organizations and wanted to introduce me.
I hadn’t asked her to do that. There was no expectation that she would. She was just… advocating for us in rooms I wasn’t in.
And honestly, that meant a lot to me.
It was a reminder that a good partnership can start forming long before there’s a contract, an invoice, or even a confirmed project. Sometimes you know the relationship is real because someone does something generous when they don’t have to.
And when that happens, tell them!!!
A tiny practice for this week
Before the long weekend, try this:
- Pick one person in your professional world who made your year easier (a partner, a collaborator, a colleague, or someone you've never met in person).
- Microwave that relationship. Write three sentences: what they did, what happened because of it, and nothing else.
- Send it today. Not "when you have time."
That's it. No pitch, no follow-up, and no asking for a testimonial.
I'll be doing it too, and I'm starting with a few of you.
Until next time… waving,
Tal
