no negging please 🙅

I learned about negging in a beige college dorm room. My friend was reading a book called The Game and wanted to try out his new tactics for picking up women.

Narrator: My 19-year-old self was not impressed.

The Game is a 2005 pickup artist bible and misogynist nightmare book that teaches “negging”— a term coined by a pickup artist and magician named “Mystery”:

Negging: giving a woman a semi-insulting compliment that lowers her self-esteem to the point that she wants your approval and is vulnerable to your advances.

They would even bring a piece of lint to the bar so they could pick it off a woman’s shirt.

Cool.

This tactic has made its way into modern marketing. ~yay~ You’ve gotten the Loom videos with the unsolicited “audit” of your website or product. You’ve seen this nonsense:

*picks lint off of my website*

Does this pick-up-marketing tactic work?

Sure, if the marketer is willing to send 1500 emails to get a single positive response *and* if the outcome they’re looking for is a one-off contract with an unexcited client who regrets it the next morning, go for it.

Narrator: Do not go for it.

So what can we learn from dating that actually helps with marketing?

1. Get consent

Unsolicited advice/audits are just criticism, cold emails are an invasion, and no one wants to answer the door when a stranger rolls up. Practice consent-based marketing.

2. Be interested

There is a trend of women on TikTok going on dates and reporting back how many times their date asked them a question. Spoiler: the bar is low. Ask your customers about their lives and experiences, and listen to their answers.

3. Add real value

Solicit customer feedback, constantly improve your offering, and go to therapy.

Let's leave the negging in 2005. Leading with empathy is always the better option. You've got this my friend.

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